Africa.

I just had lunch with my friend that I've known longer then anyone else in this world (except my family).

And I left with this thought. "I have to go back to Africa." Like...soon.

I could not tell you the reasons I decided to go to Africa a year ago. I was sitting in asuyl and it was about the 7th time they'd been talking about the Africa trip and right then and there I decided I was going. Never really hit me before that one night. I decided that moment and never questioned it again. Best decision I've ever made...

So I went, I experienced, I learned, I got pissed off at America, and now here I am. Needing more. I don't know how much of this desire is God knowing its what I need, or how much is me. But I like to think it's a nice combination. I pray this isn't just me. But honestly I don't see how it can be. The simple act of talking about my experiences (past or future) leaves me speechless. I doubt anyone has heard me talk about Africa for more then 5 minutes at a time because I can't. For me it was something so indescribable that trying to describe it leaves me frustrated. So I just don't.

I had an opportunity presented to me to go back. Well, one that I actually want to take. The reason I was presented with this opportunity in itself is confusing and seems a little manufactured. (manufactured by the Big guy of course)

Then reality sets in. I should finish school first. I should take responsibilties that I have. But honestly, I don't want to. Haha, that sounds immature and I'm not running away from the fact that maybe it is. But I don't care. I don't feel any need to finish school before I go and experience more of my life in this stage. I'm not afraid of growing up, when I feel like I need to. I just don't feel like thats where I am right now. I cannot wait for the day I meet the man I get to marry and have little, loved, and adored munchkins, but I know once that day comes that will become my passion. And I'll throw the nursing thing in there too. That's what I look forward to most in life. But my timing for that is not right now. When I have a reason to sit still I will be the most still person you know. But for the last year or so nothing has given me this feeling. I need to go now. I need to follow my desires while I'm able to. I don't believe that I have them for no reason at all. And the things that I should be desiring right now I'm not desiring at all, besides Will of course.

I have to go to church. But I vented.....I was going to write things actually about Africa. I feel like I need to defend my wants. Like I need to explain my willingness to be irrational and just find 5k to go live on another continent for 3 months. Maybe I do, maybe I don't....that's what I'm figuring out.

God is Love.
Rev Run.