spin it round your head like a helicopter

So it's two weeks since my last post and 3 days since I arrived in North Carolina.

I can't ask for any better of kids. They are absolutely incredible. The 1 1/2yr old, Kyata (Key-yah-ta) acts as if she's 4. Completely self entertained when I want her to be. She helped me clean the walls this morning and actually helped....She repeats basically everything you say but puts it in correct grammatical order and tense. She says, "Tante Julie," I say what, she says, "Hi" or, "I love you." Has a sense of humor and falls asleep in my arms after I sing the ABC's and the barney song. (Of which she knows half the words to herself)

The 3, almost 4 year old, Isaac is the best older brother. We went to a library story time reading, (hello mom status) and when they went to pick instruments out of the bucket he grabbed one for himself then one for Kyata and brought it over to us. Without me asking. Later we went to the park. We played tennis for about 45 minutes and he hit the majority of balls I hit to him. Athlete fo sho. Kyata walked around, played with the net, and picked up leaves and brought them to me singing the "Clean up, clean up everybody everywhere" song. After tennis we went the playground and Isaac insisted that he help Kyata on the slide because its his job to; "Protect Kyata, Teach Kyata, and Love Kyata"

So all in all that part of being here is ridiculously easy. I clean up the house, do dishes, make meals, run errands, find things to do to entertain the kids, and go to sleep embarrassingly early.

I started reading "Into a snowy pit with a lion..." or whatever its called. I only got one chapter finished before I needed to sleep but its talking about how God's a resume builder. And the sins of omission and commission. Omission being that of not taking chances and not allowing God to teach you during the risks you take. I consider this a risk. I disappointed people making this decision but I'm okay with that. I'm gonna learn, grow, and provide support for this family that only a select few on this earth could. Going from having their dad with them 24 hours a day to not at all it's gonna take a toll on them, and already is. But not having to learn the name of a new nanny or daycare is something I'm happy to offer.

I know I write too much, I'm sorry. but thats my experience so far....it's nice being on the east coast. People are friendlier and there is more color. Which you know I'm all about....

Haven't gone into Ruby's yet. This weekend I suppose...its a little intimidating... Julie, intimidated...whaaat? Kyata's awake now....time for yogurt and apple juice. :-D

Miss you guys.

oh yeah, its getting COLD already!!!

You Alone

There have been two distinctly different reactions from others when it comes to my decision of leaving for 3 (4) months....

reaction #1
"Wow, thats a great opportunity, that's such an awesome thing you're able to do!"

and reaction #2
"well okay, if its something you really think you should do....(then some sort of guilt filled conversation about being able to drop everything so quickly)

I know that reaction #2 isn't said out of anything except pure care and concern for my heart and the person I am wanting to be. But honestly #2 doesn't seem logical to me sometimes.

I find more uneasiness and danger in not knowing if I'd be able to leave my comforts for a relatively short amount of time. What is this life given to us for? Is it given to fulfill commitments and agendas? Or is it to experience this world and the people that God has created? I've always been slightly confused when it comes to this laid out world that has been put out in front of us. The 9-5's and 5 days a weeks. The do what you're supposed to do and have a few sweet experiences on your days off mentality. I do believe in being a person who is of sound mind and spirit. Take care of things demand that respect. Be a trustworthy child of God. Be dependable, honest, and a hard worker because Christ demands a follower who is worthy of those titles. But crap, can't we experience His passions while doing all that?

I'm frustrated and this is what it boils down to. Who are we looking to please? Christ or His people? I'm scared to let down people, but I'm more afraid to let down Him. He has made me passionate. Am I called to lay those God given passions aside due to the duties I have been given by the people of this world? I don't believe so.

Maybe I have a disconnect. Maybe I go for the farthest out. Maybe comfortable is uncomfortable to me. Do I believe that God works in contentment and ritual? He can. Am I wise enough to see that yet? Maybe not. Don't let me confuse myself her...I'm not going so that God will finally start working in me. I'm going because I have an opportunity. An opportunity that I've decided to accept. An opportunity that I will look back on in 5, 10, 20, 40 years and be grateful that I went.

I'll be grateful that God created a vision for my life that goes beyond this circle that seems so perfect. God's eyes open the world to me, and I want to see what He sees. This is one small way I get to, not that I NEED to, but I get to.

This is my choice. Not God telling me its what He needs me to do. But it is my desire. A desire that He will use to mold, break, and teach me.