You Alone

There have been two distinctly different reactions from others when it comes to my decision of leaving for 3 (4) months....

reaction #1
"Wow, thats a great opportunity, that's such an awesome thing you're able to do!"

and reaction #2
"well okay, if its something you really think you should do....(then some sort of guilt filled conversation about being able to drop everything so quickly)

I know that reaction #2 isn't said out of anything except pure care and concern for my heart and the person I am wanting to be. But honestly #2 doesn't seem logical to me sometimes.

I find more uneasiness and danger in not knowing if I'd be able to leave my comforts for a relatively short amount of time. What is this life given to us for? Is it given to fulfill commitments and agendas? Or is it to experience this world and the people that God has created? I've always been slightly confused when it comes to this laid out world that has been put out in front of us. The 9-5's and 5 days a weeks. The do what you're supposed to do and have a few sweet experiences on your days off mentality. I do believe in being a person who is of sound mind and spirit. Take care of things demand that respect. Be a trustworthy child of God. Be dependable, honest, and a hard worker because Christ demands a follower who is worthy of those titles. But crap, can't we experience His passions while doing all that?

I'm frustrated and this is what it boils down to. Who are we looking to please? Christ or His people? I'm scared to let down people, but I'm more afraid to let down Him. He has made me passionate. Am I called to lay those God given passions aside due to the duties I have been given by the people of this world? I don't believe so.

Maybe I have a disconnect. Maybe I go for the farthest out. Maybe comfortable is uncomfortable to me. Do I believe that God works in contentment and ritual? He can. Am I wise enough to see that yet? Maybe not. Don't let me confuse myself her...I'm not going so that God will finally start working in me. I'm going because I have an opportunity. An opportunity that I've decided to accept. An opportunity that I will look back on in 5, 10, 20, 40 years and be grateful that I went.

I'll be grateful that God created a vision for my life that goes beyond this circle that seems so perfect. God's eyes open the world to me, and I want to see what He sees. This is one small way I get to, not that I NEED to, but I get to.

This is my choice. Not God telling me its what He needs me to do. But it is my desire. A desire that He will use to mold, break, and teach me.