Nowhere to go, everyone to see.

I won't type much because sleep is long over due.

But the thoughts of two worlds colliding and fighting is overwhelming my brain and I think these thoughts need to go somewhere.

I feel as if I don't belong to either, I don't understand either, yet I belong in both and completely comprehend both. Why is my life full of paradoxes?

I analyze, analyze, and over analyze others. I'm grateful for this at times, and at other times I spite it. I see motivations and vulnerability that others don't want shown. Because of this my heart is constantly struggling.

I know the way we look, and I know the way in which we make you feel. I see the condescension that we present and the judgments we knowingly pass. I understand that we place ourselves above you which makes it near impossible to see any love. I comprehend that you don't understand our desires and the fact that they have true depths. I see you living for the shallow pits that the world feeds you, I see your happiness in the moments, but your confusion at the end of a phase. I don't always know how to love you when the things I love most about you are the things you have yet to realize. We are fighting an uphill battle. You assume that we will be against you, and we usually don't have the will or common sense to fight against that.

You are my brothers and sisters but at times I am ashamed. I see your love for the man who created our lives, but fail to see the lessons that He's taught. We want to see the world change, but will not make the first move. This world is like a presentation and we're left sitting in the peanut gallery waiting to boo and hiss. This obligation is a gift. These desires are a blessing. We get to know the man that placed those words in your mouth, but will stop you before we get to hear them. We want to love you, we have been given the greatest love of all, but how do we love the ones who assume our motives are false?

If there was a middle paragraph that's where I belong. I see the lovers and the world and I understand why their eyes fall on us like they do and I'm left speechless. I see the lovers of Christ and search for ways to allow for this unspeakable gift we've been given to be given to others. I don't really like where I am right now but I like what I'm learning from it. I love both, and I hate both. I want to sympathize, but I don't want to rationalize. My heart is turning cold because I don't know how to fully belong to either group. I know the only place I truly belong is in His glory, doing things in His name. Not because it's what I'm told to do, but because it's my JOY. How does the world so quickly turn my joy to it's demise?

Analyze, analyze, and over analyze. I just want to rest in the only place that feels normal.

Him and me, Creator and child, Lover and loveless, Sinless and sinful, Father and daughter, Strong and weak, Beginning to End, and the in between, Perfection and needy, Whole and broken, The Completed and the barely even started.........