Africa

So perhaps comes the time when the weight of some things feel heavy. Blogging from an African internet cafe. Not blogging on my other website because 3 posts in the last few days will just be overwhelming, to others and mostly to me.

The last 24 hours I've been sitting a lot. Hanging out at home, sitting on the internet, sitting with the family. A few different conversations have been had between myself and the parents of the home. All have been heavy. I don't even think they've realized that. All in all right now my heart is heavy, for this very moment.

Heavy for numerous reasons;

Heavy for the politics of Tanzania. It is corrupt to say the least. The money goes and stays with the rich. Tanzania has Gold, Tanzanite, and Diamonds. The people are poor, the politicians are rich. They play with the money of the people. The streets are lined with people selling produce, used shoes, bags, anything they have. All trying to make enough money for them and their families to eat.

My heart is heavy for the children that come to my house to ask Papa and Mama Bille (the grandparents) for money to attend school. Papa Bille is a village Coucillor so he is well known and respected in the community.Good and bad about that is people come to him for help. He has to write letters to schools asking them to allow the fees of certain children to be excused. They want to attend school but their parents can't afford it. On Wednesday a boy is coming to get money from Papa Bille for a school uniform so he can go to class. Papa Bille gets paid for being in a meeting all day on Wednesday, he's giving that pay to the boy. He gets paid 80 US dollars a month to be a councillor.

I walk around with a pocketful of money not knowing what to do with it. What do you do with it? Where does it go? My prayer now is that God shows me where to be used. It's hard feeling like I am here to be used, but I don't know how or where. I tried to keep my expectations for this trip unpinpointed, but I am constantly trying to pinpoint it. At home it seems like I look like some sort of saint. People don't want to complain about life at home when I'm seeing such different things. I see them, but for now that's all I'm doing, is just seeing them. My presence here doesn't solve anything. Do I expect it to? Maybe.

People assume that all white people are rich. Some come straight up to me and ask for money. Do I encourage that assumption and give them a few US Dollars? Or do I wait and see if God places other bigger, more tangible opportunities in my way.

Flipside. I leave in a month. Anything I do is temporary. Does that mean I don't do anything? Does that mean I do everythign I can for a month? When I leave so does the temporary assistance? Right now do I feel like I want to solve an entire continents problems? Yup. Is any of this realistic? Nope. I know that.

Like always, my internet time is running out. I continue to thank God for my health. Yesterday I had a sore throat but I rested and it's better now. Sore throat I was happy to get. The thing you don't want to get in Tanzania is a fever. Fever is the beginning of many possibilities that aren't so fun.

Praying that God places and keeps those things/people on my heart that His heart is inclined to. I'm not here to parade the things. I'm here to be the ears for God to speak. Hands to act. Or maybe just a heart to listen. I have no idea.

Hmmm, Africa. Who knew huh?