Could this be out of line?

Maybe I'm the last to notice but there's a huge disconnect in this world of ours.

Being out here with my family I see it more then ever. Well, I always see the disconnection when I'm on family vacations. And I hate to say that because I don't want to portray the fact that my family is full of heathens that are constantly running from the life worthy of one living for Christ. That's not the case at all. They're all good people, we're all "good" people. We value hard work, family, morals, and all in all you'd like to be around any of us. We're fun. We're good. We're typical American. But we're not a family that's acknowledging Christ together.

There are a few of us. One family that gets picked out because they fall into the American description of Christians. Judgmental, anti-social, demeaning, and self-righteous. So do I get put in that category by some of my family? Maybe. Am I saying that they, and I, don't fall into those categories sometimes.....(No)

This vision of the American Christian is not what I ever want to portray but when you see someone once every two years for a weekend, its hard to allow them to see me for anything other then the things they expect. But I'll do my best to let them see the Christian that cares more about Jesus then the title that I'm trying to achieve by saying I follow Him.

Why is living the way we were intended to so "out of this world?" Why is trying to live your life in unison with the one that created you the most abnormal thing you can do? Why do I feel like this is so obvious around my family? Well I know that answer, it's cause I have amazing friends. Hehe. Friends that seek Christ the way I do. Now I'm not trying to say my entire families in the wrong and I am that holy one that is doing it right. Who knows who's got this thing figured out perfectly. I just know when I have conversations with my friends I feel that Christ is the center and the motivation. When I'm with my family....life is the center and motivation.

Life's a good thing to focus on, if you know where your life is coming from and who it should go to.

The Lion and the Wolf

I love how the world tries to make Jesus seem so small,

and how Jesus makes the world seem even smaller.


:-D

Stay Awake

This is dangerous territory.

The music provokes my thoughts and my thoughts provoke emotions.
None of which I feel safe in.

I hate this me, I hate these times but yet I embrace them like an old friend.
I ask for it. I know the why's but act so surprised when I see the questions.

You get no validation. You bring us all down with you and then ask for help getting back up. Who's going to help us up? How can we help you when your hand can't even reach us anymore? Congratulations, its all about you again.

Have I gotten nowhere? My resume is quite unimpressive.
I find peace in not needing to impress you only to disappoint myself.

I sacrifice common sense to have someone with a genuine interest.
The interest that may or may not end up leaving me needing to fall back on this trust that I can't seem to wrap my head, or heart around.

I've been searching for years for the one person without an agenda.
I'll start to believe if you say it enough. But I want you to stop speaking and start asking.
The justifications keep me going, while I see the scenery all stay the same.

There's nothing thats keeping me here yet I have nowhere to go.
Your will is all I want, but your will is the one thing that I can't seem to figure out.
Do you want it to be this masked? Or am I just the costume designer?

You were ready to take, acting like you were entitled to it. You made me trust, but trust in what? You made no promises to me yet I believed every word you said. And you'll apologize, like you always do. Yet you will never see what is between me and you.
You win?

It feels like I'm running so hard towards freedom that it's trapping me.
You're not the only one that can speak with words and sentences that have no definitions.
Funny though, the way you are.
The way I allow you to be.
A reoccurance seems more predictable then change.

Change. ha.

I'd rather give the exact amount. That's comfortable.

Don't tell me to stay here because I'll find a reason to leave.
I've convinced myself that its not supposed to be, so reversing seems like its lost its beauty.

I have no answers, but I don't know what my questions are.

Don't ask me repeat these thoughts out loud cause they'll lose their validity.

Was it all wasted? Is that what it adds up to?

Change?

Whats the fee?

Oh silly me.

Ruby Minis 86 setup

These are going to be random thoughts, because it's 4 in the morning. I'm an idiot, I get this nagging desire to stay awake at night. Why? I have NO idea.

This will be nothing inspirational nor grounds for thought-provoking conversation. Just me being awake at 4am.

I love work. I love any work that has its primary task involving people. Customers, fellow employees, whatever the case may be. I just love people. I don't think there is one person that I'd be hesitant to talk to. I was having a discussion with Jared the other night about how I feel like I've been out of the "real world" for the last 8 or so months because of Student Staff. It's nice to be back in it. It's nice to be surrounded by those that aren't seeking the Lord. Ha, however weird that sounds. When we're at Young Life people know why we're there. But at Ruby Tuesday at Tempe Marketplace people need to figure that out on their own. And I will help them realize that I live, breath, eat, poop, play, sleep, love, for and because of Christ. It's kind of fun to have it be under wraps sometimes. Its invigorating to just be a girl thats pretty much happy all the time for seemingly no reason, then have them realize this girl is "super religious." It actually hasn't happened yet. My faith has come up maybe 3 times. It's crazy how non-important that is to people. For me trying to understand where others hearts, needs, and desires come from is one of the main things I think about in any friendship. But for others thats so far out of their mind there is no reason to bring it up. I pray that my co-workers see Jesus not only behind my craziness, but as the sole reasoning for it. (I'm not sure if Jesus wants to be associated with that, but He has no choice) ;-D

People at work get stressed about the simplest things, and the managers freak out and need to go home because the "restaurant business" gave them a butt whooping today. Okay, I'm of this world in some ways. Bad days suck, I get angry, pissed, tired, whatever the case may be, but that has nothing to do with who I am. That just may be how I'm acting at the moment. I can't imagine living for your job, your family, your school, your friends. All that stuff runs out or the people will die. (blantantly said) But Jesus...oh Jesus. I could live for that stinker for eternity. I'd rather focus on something that matters the longest. And He, matters forever. Not even Ruby's can beat that.

I need to go to bed. I've only written for 7 minutes and I have NO idea what I said or why I said it.

I love my friends, I love my family, I love Ruby Tuesday employees. I love my/our Jesus.

Life is good because Life isn't all that important (think about it...find the balance....)

TRUST IN LIVING. LIVE IN TRUST.