Stay Awake

This is dangerous territory.

The music provokes my thoughts and my thoughts provoke emotions.
None of which I feel safe in.

I hate this me, I hate these times but yet I embrace them like an old friend.
I ask for it. I know the why's but act so surprised when I see the questions.

You get no validation. You bring us all down with you and then ask for help getting back up. Who's going to help us up? How can we help you when your hand can't even reach us anymore? Congratulations, its all about you again.

Have I gotten nowhere? My resume is quite unimpressive.
I find peace in not needing to impress you only to disappoint myself.

I sacrifice common sense to have someone with a genuine interest.
The interest that may or may not end up leaving me needing to fall back on this trust that I can't seem to wrap my head, or heart around.

I've been searching for years for the one person without an agenda.
I'll start to believe if you say it enough. But I want you to stop speaking and start asking.
The justifications keep me going, while I see the scenery all stay the same.

There's nothing thats keeping me here yet I have nowhere to go.
Your will is all I want, but your will is the one thing that I can't seem to figure out.
Do you want it to be this masked? Or am I just the costume designer?

You were ready to take, acting like you were entitled to it. You made me trust, but trust in what? You made no promises to me yet I believed every word you said. And you'll apologize, like you always do. Yet you will never see what is between me and you.
You win?

It feels like I'm running so hard towards freedom that it's trapping me.
You're not the only one that can speak with words and sentences that have no definitions.
Funny though, the way you are.
The way I allow you to be.
A reoccurance seems more predictable then change.

Change. ha.

I'd rather give the exact amount. That's comfortable.

Don't tell me to stay here because I'll find a reason to leave.
I've convinced myself that its not supposed to be, so reversing seems like its lost its beauty.

I have no answers, but I don't know what my questions are.

Don't ask me repeat these thoughts out loud cause they'll lose their validity.

Was it all wasted? Is that what it adds up to?

Change?

Whats the fee?

Oh silly me.