At points some may seem to think that I'm unhappy, or at least unsettled about my current situation. I mean, think about it, I allow myself to get ripped out of comfort and everything that makes me, me. I have little to no social interaction with anyone my own age. No social interaction with anyone that loves Jesus the way I do, and only moments when I'm alone and not constantly being demanded for attention or help. Usually in those moments I shower, do laundry, clean the house, watch a podcast (that I normally fall asleep to) or sleep. If I'm lucky I get in a phone conversation with someone that I most likely adore.
But it's funny how you seem to follow yourself everywhere you go. I knew I could enter into this experience and gain from it because of the silly little idea that Jesus also follows you wherever you go. That was the #1 strongest argument for me knowing that I would be okay outside of everything that brings me joy in life. People, ministry, family. (not in any specific order)
While being here I have gotten lonely, but felt reassured. I have been frustrated, but then relieved of all reasoning to feel frustrated. I have not second guessed once. I have learned that I am far less patient then I thought I was. I love the absolutely pure moments that surrounding yourself with "innocent" children can bring. These children at times are not so...innocent...and thats where I've learned that my patience doesn't run quite as long as I'd like.
I've learned that life is far less enjoyable when you're in a rush to get somewhere, or get something done. When afraid of being behind schedule you're forced to demand immediate responses from people and lose your sight for seeing incredible things that may happen. When you get sick of running on someone else's agenda, you begin to run on yours. And you cut yourself off from seeing what amazing gifts they have to show you.
I have felt the value of friendships, and the gift of love that I feel from and for my friends. Christ has allowed me to have a heart that is almost always thinking of my friends, wondering how they're doing, and praying that I have the right words to say if they're not. And if they are okay, finding the right words to say for them to know their worth to me. The actual execution of this hasn't happened every time its needed to because, I run on my own agenda. But it never ceases to amaze me how Christ continues to love me, which allows me to continue to love others. (even if its in my own heart most of the time, and not yet in their eyes) I suck for that.
I have learned that I want to learn. I want to learn about politicians and what people think will make this world, "a better place" if you will. I find myself thinking of new ways to pray and new ways to carryout the possibilities that Christ gives me as His follower.
I've learned that I have a lot to learn.
1 comment:
so glad you're there experiencing all of those things...and so sad that you have to evil political seeds in those young minds. :) We'll see soon enough...
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