Marvelous Light

So here I sit. Midnight of the first day of 2009. I've felt such a itch to blog these last few days so mostly I'm blogging just to scratch that. I'm not sure of the content or purpose, so here's to me scratching.......

New Years this year has felt stupid. I think it's stupid that one day a year people think about how to improve their lives. People make decisions, some stick to them, some do not. But why on New Years? Why when the calendar year switches? Maybe it's freedom. Perhaps people feel like they're now given permission to stop, or change what they're doing, because the people around them are doing the same. There's release in knowing that even the clock is telling you to start over.

Weird thing though. We're lucky. We have that new start every time we open a bible, close our eyes, open our eyes, take a deep breath, or speak His name. We have it every minute of every day. In addition to having it whenever we want, we have the worlds' best workout, addiction, diet, physical, and emotional therapist to call on.

These last 3 months has been a constant over analysis of life, my life and the lives around me. Ironic that I happen to be coming home at the break of a new year, because that's what it feels like to me. I've reestablished my goals, and the passions behind them. I've been disappointed in myself and others. Being disappointed in others doesn't really help you in many specific ways, but finding disappointment in yourself, at the end of the day, is pretty sweet.

I know what I fail at, over and over, I fail.
I fail at being a responsible, worthy citizen, friend, student, tante', daughter, roommate, cousin, sister, follower of Christ, and any other category you can put me in. Believe me, when I say that, I've learned to believe it. Christ has given me the gift of good eyes. I can see others and myself a little bit clearer than I could without Him.

I want to blind my critiquing and judgmental sight. This is the hardest for me. I can't look at a person without analyzing and judging what are their truths, sincerity's, insincerity's and weaknesses are. There's this crazy righteousness that comes from being a human Christian. I say human Christian because as soon as we read Christ's words we learn it most certainly does not come from him. I posses that undeserved righteousness that spills into every conversation I have, and most times, it does not belong there.

I want to speak to someone without feeling like I'm talking at them, giving them unasked for advice or input. I have been given the gift of insight into others' lives and I want to use that the way Christ intends for me to. In every conversation regardless of what's on my selfish heart.

( I told you this was going to be a messy post, I could go on but I'll save the rest of my personal critiques for next post)

I still have unaswered questions that feel as if they're burning a hole into the side of my heart. I want to know if others I care for will experience the same redemption that I've been so graciously been given. I want to know what man will care for me as Christ has instructed him to. I want to succeed in illustrating the passions and skills that have been restored in me through my daily rebirths.

I need to go to bed. If you've made it to the end, God bless you, and I love you.

Happy New Year (minute/hour/second)!

You've just been given another minute, even more wait ahead of you, use them.

2 Corinthians 5:17
17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

*I think maybe I was supposed to come here*