Wholly Yours

How did we get so presumptuous to think that we have the right to talk on Christ's behalf?

How did we get so tainted to presume that we can't?

Where's our compromise in the situation of speaking from Christs' Spirit? What a heavy claim. That carries so many implications with it. So I'm scared of speaking from His Spirit, but I also know that our God loves us enough to allow us to do so.

I'm going to North Carolina in a month....Whaaat.

Yes. It's really awkward making a big decision about an hour after you realized that God works in mysterious ways and settling into the fact that I don't always know His will for my life. There are a lot of things being affected by this decision. A lot of people, a lot of guilt, joy, and hope. Mostly hope. I didn't realize the hope I have until this very moment. But I guess I'll talk about that later.

I feel absolutely 100% guilty that I'll be absent from the ministry of YLASU for the fall semester. There's nothing that follows or lessens that. I'm scared to leave the comforts of The dup, the team, my friends, what makes me...me, for 3 months. I can't say that God is telling me to pack up and leave, I can't say that God is telling me to stay. I prayerfully give up rights to my life and hope that He is bold and clever enough to take me up on that offer. This could be the wrong decision, but it could be the right decision. Only Christ knows that, and I've learned that we're not on a yes no, green light red light basis...(not right now anyways)

But I'll follow Him in every thing I do. And this will be done in His glory. This decision will be made with the purpose of allowing Him to use any and every opportunity in my life to teach me something. To show me another part of who He's made me. He's made me a girl that is absolutely in love with her family. A girl that takes one look at my cousin and smiles from the inside out. A girl that can sit on the floor with a 3 year old and have him make me laugh harder then most anyone I know. (wow, thats a peaceful feeling) So I'm gonna stop waiting for my green or red lights in life. Because every time I get one I tell God that I know my own will for my life, and I have no hesitations to say that I do not. But His spirit is in me. God speaks.

I get to go hang out across the country, meet people that will be in my life for 3 months that could either have a huge impact or none at all. I get to allow my cousin to be across the world and sleep easy at night knowing that he has a friend at home for his wife, and an adorer of his kids watching over them during the day. I get to teach Isaac how to write his name. (It will be done) And teach Kyata...uh, something cool...not sure yet. I get to live a random, exciting, ever changing life. I get to sit in silence and grow with God. I get to be disciplined because I have no excuses not to be. I get to allow kids teach me the simplicity of life. I get to allow a Young life team realize how truly amazing they are, and make room for others to step into roles that they didn't think they'd be right for, and flourish. I get to watch God show favor on His people and their work at ASU....but I get to watch from a distance. Thats kind of sweet. His blueprints are already drawn, I'm just an addition that will be remodeled when I'm gone and then drawn back in when I return.

I get to have long distance significant conversations over the phone, facebook, video chat(duh), or some other communication device with my friends and find out what God's doing in the lives. I get to be humbled that God is doing amazing things and I have absolutely nothing to do with it. I get to be across the country and rest easy in the idea that I'm missing out on a lot. I get to spend Christmas with a 3 year old and 1 and a half year old and see the excitement on their faces when they open new toys and get to help make Christmas cookies. I get to pick Isaac up from school and ask him how his day was and tell him that the pointless painting he brought home is amazing.

I don't let God play a role in my world, I get to play a role in God's world.

I think I'm up for that.....whatever that means.